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Running Time: 56 minutes

Show Notes

• I discuss the results of my Do You Swallow poll.
• Next I go into a long discussion of my advice to a reader on giving hand jobs, including my suggestion that girls start carrying individual lube packets or small bottles of lube when going on dates for a little hand job help..
• I read through Babeland’s article How To Spice Up Your Sex Life and discuss sex board games. Have you played any good sex board games?

As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday night at 8pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!

Hi Misty,
I feel kind of awkward when I give my man a hand job. How can I improve my technique?

First of all, good for you for seeing hand jobs as more than just something teenagers do in the backs of steamed-up cars. The hand job is often overlooked, and it’s a damn shame. When done right, it can be a fantastic addition to foreplay, and it can even be the main event for a nice change.

The most important aspect of the hand job is lubrication. Unlike women(1), most men(2) don’t produce enough lubrication of their own to facilitate a good hand job, but a dry hand job isn’t pleasurable to give or receive. Before you start, squirt a bit of lube into your hands, and hold it in your palm for a moment to warm it up. If you don’t have any actual lube handy and you’re not planning on having intercourse, you can use some household items as lube. I’ve had good experience with baby oil in the past. Just remember that oils and creams not meant for sex can cause vaginal infections, so if you’re planning on moving on to more contact you’ll just want to stick to good old-fashioned spit.

In my opinion, when giving a good handjob you should start by teasing his inner thighs and gently cupping and massaging his balls rather than going straight for the cock. However, Lucky maintains that some initial cock contact can be good in one of two ways: 1) guys don’t always want to be teased – though there’s also a time and a place for that – so you might just want to start further in, or 2) it’s like a video game where they start you with all of your powers to give you an idea of where you’re going, but then they strip them all away and you have to work back up to the full deal. Whether your start there or do some teasing first, you should begin your work on his cock with nice slow strokes up and down the shaft with one hand, as if it’s a tongue licking straight up one side, over the head, and then down the other side. Watch out for the absolute tip of the penis; if you hit the opening to the urethra in the wrong way, well, that’s bad. Then gently grip the shaft at the bottom with one hand and use the other to do some very slow strokes up and down. You want to start slow to build it up, don’t skip straight to the fast pumping. I think that the important part of this is that it’s a progression of both coverage and friction; there’s room for variation in the details of teasing technique as long as you’re working from a minimum to some plateau in each of those aspects.

As you work his shaft and head try out some different techniques to give him a wide range of different sensations and solicit feedback from him. “Do you like that, baby?” “How does that feel on your big, hard cock?” A few techniques to try:

• Extend your fingers so that both of your hands are flat and put one on each side of his penis, then rub them up and down his cock.
• Position one or both hands lengthwise on his cock and do long slow strokes up and down. When you get to the base of his penis run over a little bit and stroke his balls on your way back up. When you get to the tip of his penis rub the heel of your hand(s) around the top.
• Instead of wrapping your entire hand around his cock, try just using your thumb and index finger.
• Alternate with short strokes at the base of his cock with short strokes around the head.
• Use both hands to twist in opposite directions as you move up and down his cock. BE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF LUBE!
• Occasionally run you palm over the top of the head. But don’t do this a lot at once because it can overstimulate the very sensitive corona (think of this as the equivalent to a woman’s clit).

Ultimately, I think it’s important to remember that, regardless of which techniques you’re using, they are at their best in an experience that’s a fluid, integrated whole. Don’t spend too much time thinking about particular techniques as if they’re individual phases with precise steps. This is cooking, not baking.

Don’t get too focused on the cock
Whenever you’re using just one hand on his cock, use the other to explore other parts of his body. Gently tweak his nipples, cup his balls, and even grip his ass. Try gently pressing on the perineum, as this can be a pleasurable pressure point on many men. If he’s game for exploration, you could even gently run a well-lubed fingertip around the opening to his anus while you work his cock with your other hand. If he seems to really be enjoying the sensation, suggest that you take it a little further. “You like my finger around your ass, don’t you baby? You want me to slip it in, you naughty boy?”

Play with toys
Sex toys are not just for girls. You can introduce a simple bullet vibe for some extra sensations. Start by running it around his balls and inner thighs (beware of the vibrator knocking the balls around too much; you’ll want something with a tight vibration for that area), then move to the shaft and gently slide it up and down each side. Run it around the head a few times and then back down and around his balls. Some guys like the way the vibrations feel when held gently around the perineum or when used to tease his anus. Fukuoku’s vibe is great for this because it slips onto your finger and you don’t have to worry about holding on with a lubed-up hand. Masturbation sleeves can also be a fun addition to a hand job. Just slide a well-lubed sleeve around his hard cock and go to town.

The Finale
When you’re ready for the grand finale, pick a technique and stick with it. Too much changing around can interrupt his buildup and make it difficult for him to come. My tried-and-true method to get him off is to hold the base of his cock with one hand and wrap the other around his shaft. Then, twist your hand up and down his entire cock. Start off at a gentle pace, and then slowly increase your speed until you’re at a nice fast pace. Be careful not to grip too tightly! Many guys hate the death grip, and those that love it will usually tell you to grip his cock more tightly. Look him in the eyes (you should be doing this a lot throughout the act, anyway) and tell him him much you love his cock, how big it is, and how much you want him to come for you. He’s sure to blow his load in no time.

I hope these tips help you feel more confident about handling your man’s junk. I also suggest asking him to masturbate for you so you can watch how he handles his own penis. It’s hot AND informative! You can also get some ideas for various techniques at handjobadvice.com. And maybe some of my readers will share their tips and tricks in the comments below.

Dear Misty,

I have a question about threesomes. I may be lucky enough to be involved in one soon for the first time and I’m a little unsure about what to do when I’m ready to come. How do I choose which girl to come with? Will one girl get her feelings hurt if I come with the other girl? I assume you’ve been in a few threesomes here and there. How did you guys figure that part out?

Jocko

My first piece of advice, Jocko, is to stop worrying about it so much. If you get yourself too psyched up about this big event your nerves may get the best of you and deciding where to leave your load will be a moot point, if you catch my drift. With sexual situations it’s usually best to just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. But if it’ll help put some of your fears to rest, I’ll do my best to answer your question.

Part of what may determine which girl gets your creamy gift is your relationship to them. If you’re in a relationship with one of the girls then the two of you should have a talk before the event to go over any rules, fears, or guidelines about how things should go. Use this opportunity to ask if she has a preference for what happens when you’re ready to come. She may not care at all, in which case you can just do what comes naturally when the time is right. But if she has any feelings about it you should be sensitive to her wishes. Even if you fear the other girl might get her feelings hurt, you owe it to your partner to put her feelings first. Honestly, though, it’s hard to imagine the other woman would really care.

If you don’t have a relationship with either girl then I wouldn’t worry too much about which one you choose. However, if you notice during the threesome that one of the girls seems to be more into you than the other I’d suggest letting her be the lucky recipient of your load (figuratively speaking – you WILL be using condoms, I assume). There’s also a tactic that would prevent you from having to choose at all. When you feel you’re close to reaching climax, ask the girls to both suck your cock at the same time. Don’t surprise them, though, make sure they know what’s coming. Saying something like “you are both so sexy, I want to look at both of your beautiful faces while I come,” could really make the moment hot for all of you.

I hope these tips help. Maybe some of my readers have some other tips and experiences they can share in the comments field. Good luck!

A few weeks ago I advised reader Alphaboy on a problem he was having convincing his girlfriend to give him blowjobs more often. I’ve posted a little bit on his progress since then, and it sounds like he’s had some success. Recently, however, Alphaboy sent me a followup that got me so hot I could barely keep my hands off myself. He’s allowed me to share his story with you, so I hope you enjoy the final installment of Alphaboy’s progress:

I guess the quick update is that your idea was pretty much the best idea ever. Well, in the history of my sex life at least lol. It hasn’t really translated into more head per se, my girlfriend hasn’t really come around to suddenly loving to give head (which I didn’t think would happen anyway), but we have played the game with the remote panties a few times. Which means she’s sucked my cock a few times. Which is a brilliant development.

And now to the more detailed version. I grabbed the panties on my lunchbreak on a Friday, which was a bit risky- all afternoon I was terrified someone at work would open my bag and find them. But then it also meant that I thought about my girlfriend wearing them all afternoon. Which of course made me incredibly horny.

So I met my girlfriend after work for a few drinks, and gave her a sneaky peak into my bag to show her that I had bought them. Having a few drinks, and approaching it like this, kept it lighthearted, which was good. So anyway, we finally got home, both a little tipsy… kissing and touching, hands going everywhere as soon as we got in the door. Things progressed for awhile without even thinking of the panties, kissing and grinding against eachother. We eventually ended up naked, my fingers were working over her clit as she stroked and rubbed my cock, when I finally remembered the panties and came up for air to ask if she wanted to give them a try… Which she did. So we unpacked it and got it all worked out and she put them on, which did kill the momentum a little bit, as you probably know. But at this stage, we were both so into things it didn’t matter too much.

We were positioned with my girlfriend on her back, on the bed, with me sort of standing over her. I was of course in control, so I turned them on low and she jumped a little, not expecting it. She obviously enjoyed it though, because her first words were “oh wow”… I kept it on low for a little, stroking my cock slowly as I watched her enjoying the vibrations. Still stroking my cock, I knelt beside her and took a nipple in my mouth, sucking and biting… as I suddenly flicked it up a notch. This made her jump again and gasp, this time all she said was “fuck”… I stood, and as I stroked my cock, I rubbed my cockhead over her tits, smearing my precum over her nipple, and then smacking my hard cock down on it. She was moaning quite a bit now, and moing on the bed, so I thought it would be a good time to turn it back down. And of course she wanted it back up higher, so I teased her a little and turned it up and down, and even off for a little bit… Until she said “ok ok, give me your cock, stop fucking teasing me” lol. So I moved right up beside her, still standing as she lay on her back… She turned her head and I pushed my cock into her mouth. As I did, I turned the panties back on, on low… Her tongue flicked over my cockhead and up the underside, eventually just sucking on the head a little. I pushed in a little deeper, and her mouth opened for me. Fuck it felt good feeling her warm, wet mouth on my cock, and it’s making me hard as I write this so I’m trying to concentrate lol! I didn’t wait long to turn the panties back up to medium, and she immediately moaned on my cock. Her hands were massaging her tits, pinching and pulling on her nipples. Her moans vibrated around my cock and felt amazing. At this point, we were both completely in the moment. I started talking to her more, saying things like “that’s right baby, suck my cock”, telling her how hot she looked, asking if the panties felt good, if she was going to be a good girl and cum for me etc etc… I suddenly turned them up higher, and she really growled into my cock which was so fucking hot. She was just concentrating completely on her impending orgasm pretty much, which left me to basically work my cock in and out of her mouth as she moaned and writhed on the bed. I put one hand on the back of her head as I pushed in deeper, didn’t push too deep, but was fucking her mouth nicely… I turned it back down just to tease her a little, then brought it back up to high which pushed her over the edge. When she came she really sucked on my cock hard, and her hands grabbed my ass and pulled me right into her…. God it was hot. I turned the panties off to give her a break, and she jerked me until I came all over her tits.

So yeah, it worked. The panties were a really fun idea, and raising that idea with me getting more head kept a possibly touchy subject lighthearted. And she enjoyed the panties, I enjoyed head, so a great result. The few more times we’ve used it I honed the skill of teasing I think, to the point where she’s been begging to suck my cock so I turn the vibrations on or up… Which is like the hottest thing ever. So yeah… waddya think?

I think you two are hot, that’s what I think! And I’m going to get myself a pair of those panties…

Dear Misty,
What should I look for as warning signs before performing oral on someone?

I’m not a doctor. Hell, I’ve never even fucked a doctor. All I am is a girl that like to have a lot of sex, a girl who likes to read about sex, and a girl who likes to write about sex. That said, I’m also a girl who likes to do a little research on the Internet. Your question is something that I personally think about from time to time, as well. We’re all adults here, so by now we know that oral sex is not without risks. STI’s can be contracted via oral sex. And, just like with vaginal and anal sex, simply looking for telltale signs on your partner isn’t going to protect you. Many, if not most, STI’s are not symptomatic, or have symptoms that can easily be mistaken for something else so that you or your partner may not even realize an infection is present. The real answer? Just use protection. Every time. Period.

But you’re not going to, are you? No matter how many times we’re told that there is risk of infection from oral sex, most of us continue to believe that it won’t happen to us. Sure there’s risk, but it’s so small I don’t really have to worry about it. I always use condoms for anal and vaginal sex, so I’m safe. Well, here are a few facts that might make you think twice:

Herpes can be easily transmitted via oral sex

The transmission of herpes requires no fluids, only skin to skin contact. And, while the risk of transmission is highest during an outbreak, the virus can be present in the skin when no sores are present.

Go Ask Alice: Oral sex and herpes — a triple header

Oral STI’s can cause cancer

HPV, an extremely common STI that can cause genital warts and cervical cancer, has been linked to throat and oral cancer in partners of infected individuals. Although there is a vaccine for this virus that has been approved for women, there is no cure and currently there is no test or vaccine available for men.

About.com: The Role of HPV in Throat and Oral Cancers

HIV can be passed via oral sex

You know that HIV is present in semen, but did you also know that it is present in precum? That means that transmission is possible even if the man does not ejaculate in his partner’s mouth. HIV is also present in vaginal fluid. Additionally, cuts or sores in the mouth (even the irritation that can occur from brushing and flossing) increases the risk of transmission both for the giver and receiver.

About.com: HIV and Oral Sex

Alright, alright! We get it. There are risks with oral sex. Now what?

Well, that’s up to you. You know how to protect yourself. Now you just have to decide what risks you’re willing to take.

End of lecture.

Dear Misty,

This came from a discussion I had with someone in your chat room.

At what point or when does a friends with benifits arrangement become more than a FWB (like a relationship)?

Further how does one tell that one is not just being used in a FWB situation?

 
 
The Friends with Benefits (FWB) relationship can be a wonderfully symbiotic relationship. You can hang out, have a few drinks, and laugh. You can satisfy each other’s most devious desires without fear of being judged. Or you can just get in a quick fuck without all the usual song and dance. Sometimes this kind of relationship is filler between romances, and sometimes it’s an arrangement that goes on for years. However, while it may seem like the perfect solution for some friends, for others it’s like playing with fire. The real question is whether that fire is something that will burn up everything in its path or stay hot and steamy for good.

Any time you introduce sex into a relationship – whether it’s a romantic date, a good friend, or a one night stand – there is potential for unexpectedly intense feelings and that could cause problems if both parties are not on the same page. So, how can you tell if/when aFWB is turning into more than just a friend? You talk about it. If you’re starting to feel a romantic attachment to your FWB it’s your responsibility to yourself and your friendship to address it. If he or she is feeling the same way then you’ve gotten it out in the open and you can move on to something even better without a lot of wondering and guessing. If not, it’s better to get it all out there and figure out how to deal with these emotions so that you don’t get hurt and ruin the friendship entirely. Additionally, if you like things the way they are but start to suspect that yourFWB is getting more emotionally involved in the arrangement than you’d prefer it’s up to you to bring it up. Otherwise, he or she will begin to resent you for not falling into a relationship model that hasn’t been discussed and the two of you will never make it out to the other side with your friendship still in tact. Yes, sometimes situations like these will mean that you lose you “benefits,” but sometimes it’s the only way to keep the friendship. There are plenty of other places to get your rocks off, but good friends are hard to find.

Your second question can be solved with a bit of common sense. First off, let’s be honest about something. If you’re in a FWB relationship, you are being used. As a matter of fact, you are using each other. And you’re doing it with each other’s permission. That’s what’s so great about it. You’ve already established that, for whatever reason, you don’t want to be in a relationship with each other, but that’s no reason not to help each other out with some of those carnal needs. So get over this concept of being “used.” You are both getting something out of the arrangement, otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it. If, however, you’re not getting what you want out of the relationship then it’s up to you to ask for what you want outright. If he or she doesn’t want to or can’t give it to you then just go back to being friends and stop looking for something that just isn’t there.

Do you remember the other week when Alphaboy and I discussed his little blowjob problem? If you haven’t already, I encourage you to go read our exchange. The jist is that he wished his girlfriend would blow him more often, but was afraid to ask for fear of sounding like just another demanding selfish dude. Poor guy.

After our talk, he had a conversation with his girlfriend and sent an update:

…Just thought I would follow on from the comment I left on the site, with some details of the progress I’ve made so far, pretty much all based on your advice.

I guess the developments have come down to some good communication. I brought the topic up the other night with her, and it was just after we’d had sex, so we were lying in bed, both nice and naked and sweaty and relaxed and in that nice right-after-sex stage. I tried to be as casual as I could when I brought it up, and I can’t even remember what the topic was on, but I think I did ok with it, cos she didn’t get angry. I asked why she didn’t like to do it, and the best detail I could get out of her was ‘I just don’t like it… I don’t really like doing it that much’. She said she hadn’t done it much with past boyfriends, it had never really been part of her repertoir so to speak, so I think that makes it a little more understandable.

Let me break in here to point out something Alphaboy did exactly right. He waited until right after they’d had sex, instead of bringing it up just before. Talking about it before sex may have put some pressure on her regarding the outcome of the talk. If she decided she was going to try it more often, she would be expected to do it right then. But bringing it up afterward, when they were both relaxed and loving, took all the pressure off and let them talk about it casually.

Anyway, I tried to make it clear that I actually really, really like getting head. I told her how good her mouth feels on my cock, how hot she looks moving on it, when I can feel my cock go a little deeper… I told her I understood where she was coming from, but that it is actually something I would like more of, maybe as a treat to me sort of thing. We don’t have to do it all the time, maybe just every now and then, something nice to make me feel good. I then tried your tactic sort of, and asked if there was anything more I could do, to make her feel good, something special for her. Maybe a sort of trade type scenario- she gives me head, I do whatever. But there wasn’t really anything more that she wanted, she said she’s happy with everything, enjoys the sex a lot, loves when I go down on her etc… And that’s where it sort of finished.

But it got the ball rolling, and another development came last night. Which is kind of weird and funny in the same way, I think. We went to the movies and ended up seeing ‘The Ugly Truth’, with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler I think the guy’s name is (not sure if it’s out over there- I’m in Australia, so I’m sure we’re behind you guys). Anyway, don’t see it, crap movie, but there’s one scene where Heigl’s character is wearing vibrating panties… and I immediately thought ‘that’s so fucking weird, I was just looking at these on the net’ (that was just in my head, btw). So we were talking about the movie after, and that scene came up, and we were laughing about it, and I just said ‘how bout I get you some of those as a treat?’ I thought she would just laugh it off, but she laughed and said ‘ok- you buy them, I’ll wear them for you’. We both laughed and joked about it. So I pushed it a little further, and said ‘how bout you have that treat, and maybe I can have some of the treat we talked about the other night- we could even do it at the same time, that could be fun.’ And yes, she agreed that could be fun, so there you go!

haha I think it has worked out amazingly well so far- I guess I didn’t go with the exact way we spoke about, but I think I’ve ended up with the same result. So now I just have to buy them…

I’m really glad you’ve made such good progess so far, Alphaboy. And definitely keep me posted on what happens next. Epecially if you get those panties!

Alphaboy: hmmm… are you available to give out some advice?
MistyKaye: always
Alphaboy: great
Alphaboy: well… I’ll probably just sound like some ‘typical guy’ here, which I most certainly think I’m not…
Alphaboy: but… I have a girlfriend, and everything is fantastic, apart from… I would like to get more head
MistyKaye: Does she do it at all?
Alphaboy: very, very occasionally
MistyKaye: Have you told her you want it more?
Alphaboy: well, I have brought it up, but not as a serious topic
Alphaboy: I don’t really want to make it a serious issue
MistyKaye: What happens when you bring it up? Does she have a problem with giving head?
Alphaboy: she just says she doesn’t really like it
Alphaboy: and I never push the issue, so it sort of just ends there
MistyKaye: hm
MistyKaye: It would be helpful to find out what she doesn’t like about it
Alphaboy: yeah
MistyKaye: If it’s because she doesn’t get any physical pleasure out of it, there’s always 69.
Alphaboy: that’s true
Alphaboy: and I should add that I go down on her, a lot
MistyKaye: Or a fun game would be to get a pair of those remote controlled panties (pricey, but fun) and every time she’s making your cock feel really good you give her a buzz with the remote
MistyKaye: I just thought of that and it’s making me kinda horny just thinking about it!
Alphaboy: damn that does sound like a fun game
Alphaboy: actually made me a little hard thinking about it! haha
MistyKaye: Experimenting with flavored lubes and stuff could be fun, too
MistyKaye: (and would help if taste is an issue she is concerned about)
Alphaboy: has taste ever been an issue for you giving head?
MistyKaye: not that I can remember
Alphaboy: I thought if it was something like taste, she would have told me
Alphaboy: maybe it needs to be asked directly, I don’t know
MistyKaye: Yeah, I think communication is the first step to solving this problem
Alphaboy: I feel like a bit of a dick for bringing it up tho, you know?
Alphaboy: like I’m just some typical guy that wants his dick sucked
MistyKaye: If you get your point across as “it’s so hot when you give me head and it feels so good” as opposed to “you don’t do this enough for me” it would be better
MistyKaye: It can be a stretch, but trying to make it more about her than you helps. Like how good she is at it, how sexy she looks while she’s doing it, etc.
Alphaboy: hmmm that’s true
Alphaboy: and god it is so so sexy watching her with her lips wrapped around my cock
MistyKaye: yup, it’s a nice image
Alphaboy: do girls get the same sort of thrill looking down at a guy like that?
MistyKaye: Sometimes
Alphaboy: that remote controlled panties idea is still in my head lol
MistyKaye: hehe, I like it, too!
MistyKaye: I might have to go pick up a new pair
Alphaboy: would be a fine balance though.. too much pleasure for her, not enough cock sucking… haha
Alphaboy: oh ok, well thanks for the advice Misty, I really appreciate it

Hi,
My wife and i love your blogs and advice. Its very sexy and we need more!
We have been married for 7 years and are very much in love and have a great sex life. Only we need some new stuff to try! Any ideas?
We play in public, take pictures and some naughty video. But we need some new stuff. Let us know what you think?
Thanks
Liam and Fina

When you’re together for a while it can get harder and harder to come up with new ideas to keep things fresh in the bedroom (or out of it, in some cases). It sounds like you guys are off to a good start with the pictures, video, and public play. That shows you are adventurous and probably up for just about anything. An attitude like that is half the battle of keeping your sex life spicy and new.

Some of the resources I like best when it’s time to get out of a rut are books and videos. Books are great tools, whether you’re learning about new (and wild) positions or just reading each other some erotic stories to get into the mood. I recently purchased a fun book called How To Be A Dominant Diva, which is full of erotic scenarios a girl can plan out for her guy (with a short section of plans where he can have the upper hand as well). I can’t wait to start trying these out on Lucky. There are also all kinds of instructional videos out there that might give you some fun ideas, and the live action demonstrations might get you all hot and bothered themselves. Admittedly, I haven’t tried any of them yet, but I’m very interested in checking out the Tristan Taormino line of videos, perhaps starting with her Expert Guide to Positions. It can also be a fun game to pop in your favorite porn (or a new one) and try to follow along with the action on the screen. It’ll surely get you laughing, but it can also be pretty hot.

Speaking of videos, I know you said you’ve tried videotaping yourselves, and I’m curious how you did it. Did you just film yourselves having hot sex (which I love to do), or did you actually try your hand at making something a little more polished, complete with a plot and costume changes? Acting out scenarios and getting all costumed up can be a lot of fun, especially when you’ve got a camera rolling to catch all the hot action. And why not take it the extra mile? When you’re done rolling the camera, pretend you’re real porn stars who are just getting off work for the day and need some hot undirected sex to wind down.

You also say you’ve tried public sex, a favorite of Mac’s and mine, but how much have you explored your own house? I challenge you to see just how many surfaces in your house you can “deflower” by getting busy on them. Want another challenge? I challenge you to spend an ENTIRE DAY naked in bed together. I want you to have sex the moment you wake up and stay in bed caressing and enjoying each other all day long, only taking breaks to get up and go to the bathroom or get food (or toys, or batteries, or lube, etc.). See how many times you can bring each other to orgasm from dawn until dusk.

And of course, there are the sex toys. Certainly there must be something out there you haven’t tried yet. If you’ve graduated from the wide array of dildos and vibrators available, search for something completely new and different. How about a cock ring? Anal toys? Is he GGG enough to be bent over so she can try out a brand new strap on? If you each have your own computer, then perhaps it’s time to hook up a couple of web cams and try out some teledildonics. Share a computer? Then why don’t you grab your cel phones, a Fleshlight, and her favorite dildo and have some really hot phone sex? Bonus points if you each go to different public places and call each other. God, I’m getting hot just thinking about how much fun that would be!

Sometimes it can be fun to bring another person (or people) into the mix to spice things up. Threesomes, swinging, and group sex – when negotiated beforehand and played safely – can not only give you a fantastic night, it can provide fun memories to get you going again and again. If you’re not comfortable actually playing with others, you can get pretty close while still keeping your boundaries by checking out strip clubs together or even seeking out local sex clubs where you can meet other kinky couples to watch or be watched.

I’m sure that other readers will have many more ideas for you in the comments, so keep coming back to see what everyone comes up with. And be sure to let me know if you try out any of these ideas or come up with some new ones of your own.

Dear readers – leave your tips to spice up sex in the comments, as well as your recommendations for books, videos, toys, and games that might be useful to Liam and Fina (and the rest of us).

In the meantime, here are a few resources:

• Sex books
• Instructional videos
• Erotica to share: The Best of the Best American Erotica 2008
• For sex games and role playing ideas: How to Be A Dominant Diva
• Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Positions
• Sex toys galore at Babeland

I sucked cock for the first time when I was 16 years old. I don’t know how good it was for my boyfriend, but he didn’t have much to compare it to. I was surprised to discover how much fun it was, and that I really didn’t mind the taste of semen. (I should note that my boyfriend at the time was vegan, which most likely affected the taste of his come. More on that later.) And so began my love affair with sucking dick. Over the years I’ve improved my technique, and each time I hear someone say “that was the best blow job I’ve ever had,” I fall in love with the act a little more. A few years ago, I described my blowjob technique in a post on this blog. Since then, I’ve added a few bells and whistles, and I have also added deep throating to my repertoire. But even though I’m confident in my blowjob skills, I am always looking for new techniques to add to my bag of tricks. After all, the advice often given to doctors and computer programmers is also true for any good slut: never stop learning.

When I saw that Babeland was giving a free blowjob class on Superbowl Sunday, I couldn’t resist. I gathered up a couple of girlfriends and headed over to my favorite little sex boutique. What we were presented with was an informative and incredibly entertaining hour of cocksucking talk. Our spunky instructor, Courtney, started off with a detailed look at the male anatomy using charts and models. It’s easy to forget that the first step to being good at anything is a thorough knowledge of your subject. Sure, we’re all familiar with the basics: head, shaft, balls. But girls, did you know that the frenulum, that little strip on the underside of the head, is a wildly sensitive area, often compared to our own clitoris? And don’t forget that the corona, that lip where the head meets the shaft, is a sweet spot, as well. And then, of course, there’s the perineum (also called the “taint”), that spot between the balls and the anus that can be wildly stimulating when pressure is applied.

After our brief anatomy lesson, Courtney jumped right into technique. Using a good-natured stunt cock (a fellow female employee wearing a strap on dildo), she showed us a fun little move where she flicked her tongue on the stunt cock’s frenulum several times. Next, she showed us the “can opener,” a move involving only the hands moving and twisting up and down the shaft. This move is similar to my own favorite move, except that I use only one hand and follow it closely with my mouth, keeping my lips almost pressed against my thumb and forefinger as I twist up and down the shaft. This move is a favorite of my partners, and I’m sure the two-handed version demonstrated by our instructor would be a great fill-in when my mouth needs a little break.

Now, of course, no Babeland workshop would be complete without some discussion of sex toys. This portion was, for me, the most intriguing part of the discussion. While it’s becoming more and more common for partners to use vibrators on women during oral sex, people don’t often consider sex toys as a part of a blow job. I’d also become increasingly interested in cock rings in the past few months, and was fascinated by how nicely they could enhance a blowjob. In addition to cock rings, Courtney also demonstrated using a masturbation sleeve that was open at the top as a way to achieve that “deep throat feeling” without all the gagging. Lucky and I have actually tried this device in the past without much luck; it turned out to be much too rough for his sensitive foreskin. Still, it looks interesting, and I’d love to try it out with one of my circumcised lovers one of these days. But even with talk of cock rings and sleeves, the demonstration that interested me most was the We Vibe. I’ve been fascinated by this toy for some time, and after watching Courtney demonstrate how it could be applied to sucking cock, I was dying to give it a try. Sadly, the $130 price tag has put it a little out of my financial reach at the moment. But who knows, maybe one of these days someone will surprise me with a special gift.

After the technique and toy demonstrations, Courtney went over communication (i.e. where he’s going to come) and positions (try sitting on his chest and letting him look at your gorgeous ass and pussy while you go to work on his willy). Finally, she followed everything up with a brief Q&A, and then asked for tips from the audience, which is exactly what I’m going to do now. First, I’ll give you the answers to some questions I’m frequently asked, and then I’ll open up the comments for your own tips and questions. I’m hoping we can get a great little discussion going that will not only titillate, but teach.

Q: What is your favorite blowjob position?
A: I prefer to be at an angle that gives my tongue good access to the frenulum, and allows me to make frequent eye contact. I’ve found that kneeling on the ground as my partner stands over me or sits in a chair is a great position for this. Some guys, however, prefer to lay down for their BJ. In this case, I will crawl between his legs and go to work. Holding myself above him on the bed can make my back and shoulders a little weary, though, and it doesn’t leave my hands free to enhance my technique. Still, it does give me good access to the frenulum, and I can still look him in the eye, so it’s not all bad.

Q: Does diet affect the taste of semen?
A: While I haven’t run any controlled experiments on the subject, my experience has shown me that diet can affect the taste of a guy’s come. I think achieving a pleasant flavor is more about avoiding certain things than trying to eat a bunch of pineapple. Three things that I’ve noticed that negatively affect the taste of semen are alcohol, meat, and tobacco. Alcohol and tobacco (i.e. smoking cigarettes) can give semen a bitter taste, while meat tends to make it more sour. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that vegan men have the best come, ranging from completely tasteless to just a little bit sweet, which indicates that even dairy might be a culprit.

Q: Is there a difference when giving a blow job to a guy that is uncircumcised?
A: While my experience with uncircumcised men is limited to my husband and one other lover, I have learned a few things. My overall technique doesn’t change, but I have noticed that uncircumcised men are much more sensitive to the use of hands than their cut counterparts. This means I have to be much gentler with the foreskin when I do my twisty twist move. Additionally, I’ve found that uncut men usually come much faster (I’m not talking premature ejaculation, or anything), giving some credit to the claims that the centuries old practice actually does decrease sensitivity.

Q: How do you deep throat?
A: Ah yes, the coveted deep throat. This is the question I’m asked all the time and, unfortunately, I’m not sure I have a great answer. Personally, I worked on my technique over and over on cocks I trusted. Trusted? Yup. Let’s face it, when you’re shoving things down the back of your throat, you are going to gag. You won’t improve if you’re not comfortable enough with your partner to let him see you do it. That’s about all I can tell you, though. If you just keep working on it, you will improve and you’ll gag less. You can cheat, though. According to the good folks at Babeland, you can use an open ended masturbation sleeve, such as the blossom sleeve, with a blow job to get close to that deep throating feeling. While the sleeve stimulates the entire shaft, all the way down to the base, you can use your mouth on the head of the penis as it pokes through the top of the sleeve. I haven’t tried this technique personally, but it sure sounds like fun.

Resources:
Ultimate guide to fellatio