The View From My Knees

I’m a 26 year old Greek-American from Seattle. Never been on a hitch hiking expedition but it sounds fun. Little about me: I’m into underground hip hop, reggae, punk, alternative, indie and metal. I’m in a underground political hip hop group, the “_____”. I enjoy snowboarding, sky diving, foreign films, camping and cooking. I’m college educated, I live on my own with some roommates. I’m a bouncer at a club on the weekends and I also have a career in the H.V.A.C., 6′ tall, athletic, beautiful and posses a superb wardrobe. I am young enough to still be learning, exploring and accomplishing and old enough to have a good idea of what I want in life. Food, travel, pets, collecting, clothing, leather, latex, machines, technology, science, adventure, books, films, women and making money are all passions of mine. Having been responsible for much at an early age I am highly capable in the physical, mental and emotional senses. While I enjoy luxury I am also appreciative of the simple pleasures. I do not smoke cigarettes, do not drink excess. Hope to talk to you soon!

He’s told me some good things about himself, but didn’t mention a single thing about my ad or why he liked me. And what’s with the hitchhiking line? I didn’t mention hitchhiking in my ad, did you just pull that out of thin air? Probably not. It’s more likely that this guy wrote this response for another ad – one that mentions hitchhiking – some time ago and then just keeps sending it out to every other girl he finds on this dating site.

Original photo by Lucky

Did you know that, in addition to this dirty web site and my naughty podcast, I also have a phone sex line? For a mere $2 a minute, fans can enjoy a very personal, very intimate, very sexy live phone call with me. Sometimes, my callers are just lonely and want someone to talk to, so we spend time talking about their jobs, their wives, their families. But often the conversation is much hotter, or gets that way after we’ve chatted for a little while and have become comfortable with each other. He might tell me how hard is cock is at that moment as he listens to my voice or ask what I’m wearing. We might discuss a previous sexual encounter that either of us enjoyed, play out a fantasy, or just talk about what we’re doing to ourselves in deliciously detailed ways. Often, a caller will ask me to choose a toy from my toy box or pick one out for me, and then listen as I use it for him. Sometimes he comes, sometimes I come, and sometimes we both come together. It’s an exciting way to make a living, as you might guess.

When I first started the line a frequent reader of my site, whom I’ll call Connor (although he’s certainly welcome to identify himself in the comments), was my very first caller. His friendliness helped calm my nerves about this new venture, and we had some lovely conversations (and orgasms) together. During one of our calls Lucky came home and joined in the fun. We put the phone on speaker and let Connor listen as we made love. It was an exciting time for all three of us. So exciting, in fact, that Connor requested we do something like it again sometime. Lucky was certainly up for it, but i had something else in mind. I emailed Connor one day to ask if he’d like to “meet” someone else he’d often read about on my site: Fingers. He replied with an enthusiastic Yes, and we set up a day and time for our phone date.
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It’s time for all those sexy Halloween parties!

Houston, TX
New York
Seattle
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Hi,
My name is Lannie. moved here from New Mexico, job transfer thank goodness. Let’s say I’m so glad to leave the hot weather behind me haha. Well I wanted to know more about you, which is why I replied back But its only fair I tell about myself now isn’t it.

Some things about me well: I have a fun job, a car that runs, mentally stable lol, enjoys just about anything and dislike crazy drama. As you can tell I have a sense of humor but also know when to be serious as well.

Oh did you get everything you wanted for Valentine day? If not let’s take you shopping Unless you don’t like gifts haha

I don’t want to take your entire time but wanted to get in touch with you. So write me back because I can’t wait to know more. Did you have a good St Pattys day and do you have a pic to send? Always curious to see who I’m talking with

Looking forward,
Lannie
PS you can text me at _____, its always nice getting messages

This email was sent in mid-April, so why is this guy still asking about Valentine’s Day? This, along with the lack of references to specific things about my ad, is a clear indicator that this guy wrote this response some time ago and is still sending it to every girl who posts an ad. It does look like he may have tried to update his response with a mention of St. Patrick’s Day, but even that was at least a month before this email was sent. Either this guy is a complete idiot or he’s really into his holidays.

We in Seattle are some lucky sons of bitches. Every year, for the past 5 years, a local Seattle weekly, The Stranger, has held a contest for the best amateur porn and made an honest-to-goodness film festival out of it. Over several nights Seattle audiences are treated to two hours of the best porn our friends and neighbors can pack into 5 minutes and then we vote on the sexiest, as well as the funniest. Once the festival is over the videos are destroyed, allowing our local porn stars to return to normal life without fear of becoming accidental internet sensations. This year the contest was extended to The Stranger’s sister paper in Portland, the Portland Mercury, and the festival got a fresh round of entries from first-timers. The Portland showing of the films is coming up shortly, and the awards will be given out sometime after that, but Lucky and I were scored tickets to the sold-out Seattle showing and we’ve made up this mini-review of all of the entries.

If you’re in the Pacific Northwest and would like to see them for yourself, you’re in luck! I’m giving away two free tickets to the Portland festival this weekend, and winning is easy. Just leave a comment on this post and let me know you’d like to be entered into the drawing. Our winner will be announced Thursday evening, so hurry up and start leaving those comments!

Oh, I almost forgot! As some of you may remember, I decided to do a little something extra when I went to see the films and tested out a new toy. This new toy was a vibrator that responds to ambient noise. I figured the device could help me decide which film got my vote based on the “buzz factor.” So, in addition to my ratings for humor, sexiness, and overall quality, I’ve included the rating my little toy would have given the film.

And here are the reviews…
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